My Favorite Accident!

    I Had a 15 minuet rush that was about 10 minuets late already.  I was going about as fast as I could.  A BMW passed me on the left on a 4 lane 2 way busy road,  & stopped to double park.  I didn’t have time with the distance & my speed to go around on its’ left, So I took my line in between the parked car & it.  The back passenger door opened right in front of me & my bike & I  flew up & over.
    I heard a woman screaming from the sidewalk as we(my bike & I) smashed into the back of a parked car & bounced onto the hood of the car behind it & finally slid into the gutter where my head landed softly on the sidewalk. I was still pretty much on my bike, well in the same position, hell my left foot was still clipped into my pedal.               
    I slowly got up & started moving around to see if anything was broken. I got on the radio to my dispatcher & told him I just got in an accident & if they were looking for there package it would be a while. That is when it got really crazy… Well, first you need to know I’m pretty sure I had a mild concussion. Then all at once:
    The Driver of the car was on her cell & asked, “Do you need an Ambulance?”
    The woman who screamed said, “You really shouldn’t be up, You need to wait for an Ambulance!”
    This other random pedestrian guy said, ” Wow, you messengers are so tough, that was amazing look at you your totally fine after that & look at that, your bike is as tough as you are!”
    And my dispatcher asked, ” Are you alright? What happened?”
    I told the driver, “No, I think I’m OK.” Then I told the other woman, “I’m alright, I don’t need an Ambulance.”
    She said, “Well you should at least have them come and make sure,” & walked away.
    I then told my dispatcher, ” I’m kind of busy right now, I’m OK & will talk to you in a while.”
    Then while I was checking out to see how my bike was Sir Talks A Lot started in, “Hey, were you in the bike messenger world championships that happened last year, I saw some of that and it was blah, blah, blah,blah…”          I was totally flabbergasted by this guy. I told him,” Look Mister, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m kind of in the middle of something here & still have to deliver this package.”
    My bike checked out fine, my head & neck hurt a bit, But I wasn’t to worried about it, So I walked up to the driver to tell her that I thought I was OK, but I would like her phone number in case something came up. She was on her cell phone, with I am assuming her Lawyer, Because she looked over at me & just about yells, ” Don’t you know it’s illegal to pass cars on the right side.”
     Well, of course my first reaction was to grab my U-lock & start pounding away on her fancy car, But the little girl, Who doored me had just come back & she looked really sad & scared, & her twin sister who was in the back seat also looked pretty sad too. So I just turned & walked away, thinking that I should get her damn license plate, ’cause I was sure I was going to be hurtin’ the next couple of days & I could have had some serious problems, But I didn’t want to look back & see that horrible woman sitting behind the wheel of that shiny black car.
    I walked to my drop & when I got there I said, “Umm, I’m sorry this is late. I just got hit by a car & your package might be broken. You might want to open it before I go. Oh Wait, don’t touch it, that’s my blood! Do you have a napkin?” I wiped it off as best I could & they let me use there bathroom to clean up. Then I walked to the bar. Even if I had a concussion, I definitely needed the drink.

the day i quit my job at espresso delivery systems!

I was shooting around the horn in the right lane when this jerk cut into me from the left. I knocked on his window to let him know I was there, & he flipped out & tried to murder me with his car. When that didn’t work he got ahead of me, & stopped his car & got out to fight me. .
I hate it when people try to kill me with there cars, so I was real pissed. I jumped off my bike, grabbed my U-lock, & my pepper spray, & walked up to him. When he realized I was just going to pepper spray him & beat the crap out of him with a U-lock, He turned & fled.
I pepper sprayed the back of his head for good measure, hopped on my bike, called Sparx & told him I needed to talk to him about something. Later I quit. He asked if I was just being rash, But really I needed to stop getting pissed all the time at these jerks. I moved to the woods for some years & got the quiet that I so dearly needed & deserved.